| holy fuck. |
[10 Mar 2008|03:46am] |
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it still exists. 0.0
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| meh..i guess ill write sumthing.. |
[23 Oct 2005|01:59am] |
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high.. |
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the hummong of the computer fans |
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life is the same..same day ta day bs..meh..whut happened ta sex drugs and roc and roll..
ya know as much as i hate ta admit it i miss Evie...alot..we havent talked in so long..
...something is missing...
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| another update entry...kida an overview... |
[02 Jan 2005|03:45pm] |
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agents of oblivion-phantom green |
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well this one is going to be kida long but im going to attempt to sum everything up fairly shortly...
i will start with the least important but really most recent event, wel lets not say least important, just not as materially as significant as other but spiritually much more.
new years weekend, the actual weekend was quite interesting i have to say, not as much the whole new years i spent it with jenii we got intoxicated, she got sick, w did soem raving, a good time it was. the more interesting aspect of new years was actually last night, the day after new years, i went to the node to try to caffinate away my horrible hang over, an and just generally got caught up in some very interesting conversation with some members of the robot nation, if you dont know dont bother cuz i wont explain, anyway i have a strong belief that lucifer headed that conversation and all of the later participants seem to agree, "joe" a man seeming in his mid 30's dressed in all red, he gave the aura of an artist. he was very addictive as a matter of fact, i mean the man was brilliant, and quite aware of it, there was no arguing with him because everything he said made so much sense that there was no argument about it, but the conversation ranged from different theologies, to physics, to quantum theory, to magik and all sort of different topics. to go deeper into the description he carried with him old fashioned ink and pen and was writing a religious book on cloth actually. a god fearing christian wld have left the room because oftyen the conversation strayed into demonology and dark magik and satanism, luciferianism and the such. the man was clearly not evil in the word but he also wasnt good, he singled out the ones of us who are more open minded, the artists. and spoke to us, spoke of unison and creating a nation on a scale of completely different beliefs, quite honestly it was brilliant, the things that kept coming up is the lack of obsolutes in the aspect of murder and good and evil, and the advancement of personal gain, basically the man was a temptor, and as anyoen who has read theology knows the devil is not evil and is a temptor, who tries to open your mind and stray from the word of god. but anyway the conversation was about 5 hours long and was ana absolute pleasure, its rare to find a combination of people who are so schollored and open to new ideas and beliefs. then the robot nation went to alex the god of whining house to get drunk, where basically the conversation continued only in a funnier drunken state, a thing the string theory was the greatest thing to pop up, heh. but yeah im stil lrecovering from a severe hang over. and i dunno i dont feel like adding anything ot that its way to long as it is..
the rest: well me and jenii are doing great even though sometimes i feel like i dont pay attention to her enough,i try i really do but its hard among a group of people during a conversation, i hate it because it just seems that she cant quite fit into the crowd. i dunno shes great though, and cares for me so much, that matters to me more than anything.....hopefulyl ill se her sometime this week <3
uum as of recently i have developed an imense obsession for fashion styles from the mid 20's i dont know why but i am just amazed by them, its just odd though that i keep wanting ta take gen out and just dress her up =P , which i intend on doing sooner or later then we shall go somewhere nice=D, i saw tyhe most beutifull dress but it was around 300 dollars, wish i had extra cash to throw around. i dunno,
i got some money now because of my car accident my winter car was tottaled by some kid running atop sign im buying anew bass with it and paying off all my tickets, mike my roomie has left for the marines a whyle back and so i live alone now, its really nice, just keeping the place clean is not that much fun, id just rahter be out all night lol, god ifeel like shit today im just so wiped out from the weekend..and istill paln to go out, i feel a way i havent felt in a long time, i dunno my mind seems to be more open now, i feel the need to create to converse, i have felt so dead end lately and i just feel amazing as of this weekend, maybe it was the exesive drinking heh, well by feel well i mean mentally physically im trashed...but yeah i dunno i work every day and try to take life day by day , i fixed my cavalier and am driving it everywhere now..i hate to drive it in winter but i dont see areason to buy another car when i have a perfectly good one just sitting around. well life is good i could nto be more satisfied..
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| you keep me going... |
[18 Sep 2004|11:43pm] |
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well today was a great day and a horrible day...so far my car is broke ..a fuel line burst and yeah....so i promised jenii id go to a wedding with her...and nothing was going ot stop me so i took my biek to racine..as i pull away from my house fuck head pig pulls me over and gives mea dumbass ticket beacause i dont have eye protection...gah...so i go to racine and go to jenii's house <3...and we go to the wedding ..where i had a great tiem and met jenii's family and yeah....it seems im more and more happier with her every time i see her...but yeah i geot a lil buzzed at the wedding..jenii got a lil drunk well we come back and i start riding back and get my ass pulled over AGAIN!..so they give me a fucking speeding ticket..FUCK.....2 fuking tickets in one day..gah....so in total tonight cost me a little unde 250 dollars aint that just spiffy...but you know hwat..i dont care how much it costs it was worth it...id do it again just to see jenii....i dunno...i had a great time but yeah i dunno im gonan need to work and work hard for the next couple weeks..i have a little under 1000 in debts to pay off by the middle of next month plus food expenses etc...im going to try and fix my car tommorow maybe then see jenii...if its fixed ..i hope i can fix it cuz i wanan go ot janesville and take jenii along..i guess ill see....i dunno i had some bad thaughts comign back home on the highway..just about how bad my luck is and how i get fuked over fo the stupideest shit... i kinda lost my voice screaming fuck as loud as i could...i thought of just l;etting go of the handlebars and seeing what happens...then i thought about jenii and how i feel when im with her and it made the bad thoughts go away..heh..its funny how life can fuck you over bad and at the same time give you something os precious to hold on to............peace..im out...
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| ... |
[31 Aug 2004|12:35am] |
You are a Samurai.
You have trained the majority of your life. You are
honerable, you follow your word. You spare no
one once in combat, but that is expected, for
your oponent would do the same to you. You use
a two-handed katana.
What type of Swordsman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| we blew shit up... |
[29 Aug 2004|11:46pm] |
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DEATH TO THE MICROWAVE....sooo we made soem homemade explosives with gunpowder and pvc pipe fittign and blew up a microwave...and i got to hang otu with jenii...and we talked abotu cars and food...=P hmm im happy =D..i took her by the lake and we stood on the cliff by the water and the moon was shining over it and stuff ..its waz puuuuurrrrrrty...lol..i dunno i <3 her very much mhm..it was nice beign single but ya know its so nice to have someone =D..eh...BOOM
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| im happy |
[19 Aug 2004|10:41pm] |
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fight fire with fire..metallica |
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hey for once shit is going good, i haven o complaints, i dont really tal kto srah anymore , evies pregnancy is goign good and were friends liek whoa, hmm i met a bunch of new ppl, including jenii mhm and i asked her out mhm nad were goign out and im happy =D nick is over steph and hes my friend again which makes me happy, my car is all running good, accpet beign a bit possesed a bunch of parts are coming in, the truck is beign junked next week and im gettign anew one from work =D the biek runs great i got muy license for it and everything, honestly i have no complaints abotu anything....
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| soooooooooooooooooo. |
[24 Jul 2004|02:14am] |
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yeah me and .....uhh...ellen, yeah thats her name lol, are at nodes akicking it yo, we failed hd today on the getting fucked up ...drama at wills house..bah whatever...sitty shitty..
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| ha its a fuking pony... |
[15 Jul 2004|10:31pm] |
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nuthin..i gots me a headache, |
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well today was moderate...i guess. i got bitched at at work the whooooooole day...this one guy i just wanna fucking stick in the face yo...he thinks hes a fucking hardass...yeah but i dunno tommrow is gonna be a hard ass day...but i drove my truck today..god its fun lol...yeah i went by stacies and i got my motorcycle running and that made me very happy :) and i even drove it around the block...so watch ou ima biker now lol...tommrow hopefully ill hang out with evie...if i can get hold of her i havent seen her in ages and miss her lots!..eh whatever...im out...
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| blah blah blah |
[14 Jul 2004|05:59pm] |
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ambient sounds of the tv in the other room |
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work work and more work..gah it seems liek thats all i fucking do, heh, that and party, guess it aint that bad....hmm last week i helped stacies dad chage the head on his truck and hes giving me his motorcycle for it..yay..time to dig up the leather jacket and bandana =D...hmm i talked to rachel...gah i want..baad...hmm i went to kittie, and ihave ot say it was one of the best shows they played in milwaukee, better than the last 2, almost as good as when they came originally with all the original members , but yeah they gott a new guitarist , its this cute lil emo girl, ahhaah, i dunno she looked so shy up on stage, but i guess the new bassist makes up for her in charisma, i met ppl there lol, i smoked chris's weed, and met up with this girl erin, i think thats her name, a good kisser actually, maybe well go farther sometime, cept she lives way the fuk out in appleton gah, i had to drive out there stoned *sigh, i accidentally went in the wrong direction on a road down there and didnt realize it till i saw headlights , lol, *sigh, but yeah i dunno i have been working alot and buying stuff, we went to kiel last night wow what a fun drive me and nick are gonna take a longer roadtrip soon hopefully, i can talk to him about shit for hours, hmm he needs to get rid of steph, i mean you know they arent even going out anymore and he is STILL pussy whipped, it makes me cry ;.; oh well this is way too long and i could go on forever...
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| post #2 , what a fuked up world yo... |
[04 Jul 2004|03:51pm] |
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Coal Chamber- beckoned |
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well heres th overview of YESTERDAY, one of th owrst days ever, i went to sarah's and she gave me a free summerfest ticket, which wasnt that bad, just seeign her makes me kinda jealous towards sean, but whatever we had our thing....grr speaking of which why am i always the guy ppl fuck around with and get me all like yay i like them, and get close to em, then they end up going out with some other guy, maybe its cuz i never really rush into asking someone out and prolly miss my chance, oooh well...but yeah i gota ticket and i went back home got some food then drove to wills to pick up will evan and jesus, i drove to summerfest and drove around downtown for 30 fucking minutes trying to find a parking spot, I REFUSE TO PAY 20 DOLLARS TA PARK MY FUCKING CAR....so we still ended up parking a mile away, literally, and my left foot still hurts from clutching. and yeah as soon as i parked it started raining liek a motherfuker, sooooooo we sat in the car for 30 min til lit died down a bit the decided to go, about 5 min down the street it started raining hard as fuck, so yeah, we get to the gate and i gues there was a problem scannign hte free ticket i got from sarah or something and i got held up at the gate for 5 min...gah...but they let me in anyway...soooo we walked around aimlessly in the rain, we rocked out by the lazer thing and got a lil pit going, that was kinda fun, kinda sad that the only reason we were doing it is cause we were so cold that we had to move around...lol...but yeah then we went and tried ot get decent seats for 311 it was fuking packed...evie was supposed ta be there so i was lookign around for her, but i guess she had some sort of emergency room problems, ill have to talk to her later and see what happened, i hope her and the baby are alright..*sigh..but yeah..so 311 came out they played come original about 3d song and me and a buddy just decided ta start a pit, so we did and it got pretty nasty actually, not much actuall moshing as in metal shows and no hardcore dancing at all but alot of jumping and diving , and swaying mhm...well i was up in that ya kno,,so me fuck pushed me from the back right into the back of another guy who was jumping up and dudes elbow went right into my mouth, yeah uum i just pierced my lip 3 days ago...and uum yeah, so there was loot s of blood and stuff, my lip nearly got cut to the outside layer of sking , well not really the lip but the flesh below it, my teeth went in about 1/4 of an inch, and theres a hge gash, my teeth missed the piercing by like a sixteenth of an inch, if htta wouldve happened i prolly would not be here right now ...lol...yeah so the irony of this shit is, i got to slipknot, powerman 5000, kittie, mudvayne, disturbed, bile, msi, poison the well, godsmack, and about 20 other lesser known shows and i mosh at every single one and never even got a scratch on me..and i get fucked up at 311...MOTHERFUCKIN 311..thats just WRONG...but yeahi dunno i held my mouth toghether for liek an hour after it happend, yes it seems to be healing up, but its stil lreally swolen and the huge gash sealed itself up with some sort of white crud , but yeah i think it l heal without me having ta take out the barbell. anyway..at least i got stoned right before 311 came out so i dint really even feel it till this morning...whatever my whole left side of my face still hurts like hell...uum yeah so we drove back, after figuring out that my key dont work in my door locks on my car, i had to get in through the trunk *sigh* and i just went home took a hott ass bath and warmed up and dryed off, put a towel on my pillow , yeah iwas still bleeding, as soon as i lay my head down i just blacked out.....but yeah im sposed ta go to josh's fourth of july part today, god i wanna drink, but with my lip all like this its gonna hurt to take shots..*cringe*..btw i alredy smoked this morning with amy will and jesus..hahaah...oh yes i spent 2 hours looking for my wallet this morning....
p.s. evie call me tommorow (monday) at like 3:00 pm if you dont work tommorow i might coem and visit ya or sumthin...
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| wow there just too much to write..ill do it in 2 entries.. |
[04 Jul 2004|03:34pm] |
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Bile- Love Stinks |
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entry #1 , i havent written in here for ages, so much has happened lol...
heres a quick overview of the last couple weeks,
i quit my job at taco bell after gettign hired at sf auto wreckers, a junk yard, yeah uum i strip cars, hence im a stripper ;) , uum i met rachel, well actually she tracked me down, i honestly was still rpetty bummed out about sarah, but we got along just fine, we drank, and i smoked alot, and we ended up in the car in the parking lot of my friends apartments, that was fun =D, we hung out alot and i got to know her alot better, she honestly is uber beautifull and actually has a head on her shoulders *sigh i sound all grown up..... uum yeah but she was and is livign with her x bf , and he has been really bummed out lately and depressed and begged her to get back together with him, she fell for it, i guess me and her are over for now, which is a real shame i LIKED her...and thats a first, uum yeah i visited evie at her work, i think watching her sweep is one of the most intertaining things ever.... uum....dats right bitch, no serve me cuz im a cuztomer yo... ahh actually we went to this other dude working at the other store , i cant remeber his name, and thats a shame cuz he was really tight, anyway he gave me a free barbell, well not a barbell but whatever the hell ya call the bar that goes into a labret, but anyway i pierced it myself, it actually hurt alot more then when i did my forearm, oh well...but i went ta sumerfest last sunday and it sucked ass...uum iwth the money i saved from my new job i baught a new car...i still hve truck and prolly will just switch off driving em....=P but yeah i baught a BLACK chevy cavalier z24 with the 3.1L v6 and manual transmission...i havent driven stick in 8 months and i felt liek an idiot tryign to pull out of the dealer lot...but yeah only thing wrong with it is the power steering is busted, which makes it hard as fuck ta paralell park, but it was ONLY 400 BUCKS! =D but yeah so i got 2 cars to my name now =P...well thats pretty much it over the last couple of weeks, im definately forgetting alot of stuff, or just choosing to ignore it ...peace
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| omen? |
[24 Apr 2004|12:35am] |
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android lust |
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i dunno what to write im extremely depressed, i just drove back fro mevies house abotu 5 min into driving my headlights cut out so i drove an overheated truck with no headlights back home from racine =(, well whatever i stopped by stacies , shes pregnant, 6 ppl livign in their house one has a job, theres no money no food, i dunno whst shes gonna do about dancing argh, her life is going dowhill and i see it right in front of me, everyoen is fuckign up, including me, ive never seen evie in so much pain, i felt it when she was near, i dunno what shes gonna do later shes only 2 months in, rob's a great guy and hes gonna stick to it, i hope. i dunno, i dont wanna see the girl get hurt, she did my hair all beautiful today =), i dunno im afraid everything is fucking up, down it goess=====> slipknot tommorow at least ill be able to forget about everythign for a bit i need it alot, for the first time ever i thought of suicide sitting here alone, is it worth it? all that pain and suffering we go through life? maybe it would be easier to just not be? theres just so much i feel overwhelmed..god i dunno i cant love, all i feel is PAIN....i wanan be a kid again.i want it all to be simple again, i wanan have fun, why cant we all just die? ,,i think were alredy dead, just havent realized it yet...my head hurts so much, will morning ever come?
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| wow i dunno im fuckign blown out of my mind.i wrote this i dont remeber why. god.drugs.aphextwin |
[12 Apr 2004|09:49pm] |
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aphex twin |
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voodooSYKOsex: and so there were bunnies, and i thought you might be something interesting,but yore just another one of them,they tell you nice things about ya and you love, how fuckign sweet, welli thought you be like some of the other interesting people in this town, but yes youre just another skater gurl bwhahah, and sarah that was shitty, DRUGs bring out the real person ,and you know what you didnt even say hi to me,you looked scareds of me wtf is that!? i came to say hi, you dint, i dunno what i thought you are but youre another girl.i think you need ot take more drugs, i dunno what to say sbout it, maybe its all in da music, i think thats it, music, well whatever i gota ride to slipknot , do you, i hope to see you there=), i know ill be, you will never understand, kina funny i dint even know the names of people there, gah youre liek one of them now lmao, the peopl you toss half attentio nand keep em thinking youre listening to em bwhaha, man i felt kidna bad realizing thats rosie cuz liek 3d day of school i told her to not talk me , heh oh well, the timmy kid is fucking helarious his ant said to never taslk to me cause im bad horrible cruel and heartless kid, bwhahha, well for good reason i just smoked two bowls of his stuff heh, i dunno, you can tell alot by a persons friends. eep im soo cool cause i just scored some acid yay, and oh yes dising evie not cool, she is my best friend thats not nick, cause nick is bestest friend ever, yeah anyway just cuz you dont liek em, for no reason at all as a matter of fact , dont mean ya have ta talk shit about em.(yes id do realize i told her to kill herself earlier), bwhaha, i think ive gone insane yo, i dunno, youre a great girl, but you dont have it, you have no style,no carry, no atmosphere,you have a cute face and a pretty body, i guess that works. sadly id dunno it dun feel it anymore, there aint that pretty feeling of wantign to see em, the butterflies and stuff nope sadly, gah, i liked you a did i did did i did i did i did i did i did i did i did i did i did i did, i think, eeeeeep, olus it was wrong even to look at you, i hurt kt wrongly it so wasnt worth doing that, bah, you die now, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassseeeeeee, heh, damn that dint work, ahil to my irken army!,,i love ...i dont.........................................................acid bath is goooooooooood, fuck you wayne,haha hah ah fuc kyou.. omg his voicee..i cant move yesssssa...oh i might wanan be concerned friend and wanan talk to your daddy about your drug problems, im sure it wont be hard to convince him to test his lil girlie for drugs, especially since her oh so close friend matt just got busted by his folks for smoking dope.....bwhahah i AM evil, i dunno prolly once im not stoned ill be too lazy to actually give a fuck about your drug problems....dont talk to me, dont worry i wont to you, goodbye......and so the bunnies died....and buried along the footstone to another island, none of them quite the same..*sigh*
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| ,...er... |
[15 Feb 2004|07:24pm] |
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got real fucked up at poison the well...yeah thats pretty much it...
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| well.. |
[08 Feb 2004|07:57pm] |
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rasputina-doll house |
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looking back on this winter im realizign how much i really am loosing myself...sitting alone downing vodaka and reading a book i came to the realization that somethign is fuked up...and so i dont know.i havent talked or doen anythign with most of my old friends in a long time..i dont know why im sorry guys and gals...i think im going to cut ties with alot of people..some ppl just arent worth it..and its just how it is...ive been savign money for a whyle and havent been going out and havign fun liek i always have..mayeb thats got somethign to do with it..but this paychek im keeping everythign in cash..im going to poison the well.for sure. and i dont hcare how but im gettign there...im buying some weed and soem cigarettes..and goign to have soem fun...well whatever...maybe its just the coldness...im missig summer alot now..sittign outside with friends and relzaxinf just the smell of the air..i miss summer nights alot...well its only a matter of time...im out
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| wow |
[25 Jan 2004|08:48pm] |
look im atually updating this crap like whoa...uum yeah nothing happened...but idid take a soul quiz ahahha...
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
you wish you were ass cool as me
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godsmksynthetik's journal
